Or, read the whole thing here: Little Big Play Cousin – A Big Brother Inspired Ongoing Saga.
Maisy storms out of the Journal Room with her golden mane flapping in the wind the way that a supermodel’s hair bounces as she stomps down a catwalk. She does not look like a supermodel, though. She looks much more like a rabid hyena thirsting for her next big, bloody kill; and I mean not to get in her way.
I turn to go in the opposite direction but my getaway is thwarted by Linkin; our bodies collide. I am learning that no matter where I go, Linkin will not be too far behind; quite literally. I resist the urge to sock him in the gut and glare, ineffectively, instead.
“Woah, bro! Is that smoke coming out of Maisy’s ears?” He wants to know.
Well, shit, how am I to know that without looking? I turn back around to find Maisy pacing back in forth in the living area. Her thigh-length, pleated, hot pink skirt swishes, side to side, as she turns on her heels to retrace her previous steps. Yup, that’s smoke alright. Most likely, it is emanating off of the self-containing sulfur that burns from the deep, dark pit where her soul should be.
“Yo….” Linkin says and then pauses a second to think; a surefire sign that he was about to say something that he probably should not. He cocks his head to the side, quizzically. “Has your CIHS flared up, bro?” he says loud enough for Maisy to hear. “Those ingrown hairs are a real bitch, bro,” he winces, remembering the last time he called Maisy ‘Bro’ “I mean ‘sis!’”
Sigh. I hate when I am right.
Maisy had stopped dead in her tracks. She whips her head around to look the foolish boy square in the face. Her blue eyes had been set to ‘Furious.’ The boyish imbecile yelps and wraps his right arm around my waist, pulling me close enough to feel his heart pounding against my back. “Can she still see me?” he asks, whispering in my ear.
Is he serious?
“I am not an invisibility shield, you freaking mor-,” I start off, yanking myself out of his grip, but Maisy interrupts me, in typical Maisy fashion; she starts to scream.
I press my lips together and shake my head once. I cannot take this, today. I refuse to take this! I only have one more day in my HHIC room, before our first eviction tomorrow night, and I will not entertain this drama queen’s shenanigans for one more second! I tear myself away from a trembling Linkin who had, once again, grabbed me in another futile attempt to hide.
I turn to ascend the staircase to my sanctuary just as Maisy falls to the floor, short skirt and all, and kicks off a full blown tantrum. I am getting the fuck out of here.
As I flee, houseguests stream in from every corner of the compound to see what on earth had just happened. Personally, I do not give rat’s patootie what had set this off. I know that it could not be nearly as earth shattering as this spectacle suggests. I stick my nose up in the air and continue my trek up the winding staircase, as Maisy’s Minions fawn all over her.
“Ohmygawd, Maisy! What’s wrong?” Judy wants to know, her voice stricken with sheer terror and panic. She must not realize that she is no longer in our alliance. I shrug, mentally.
“Maisy!” Kale yells, fright clinging to his every word, “What happened? Please, tell us!” He had ran to Maisy’s side and fallen to the floor behind her head. “Someone help me! Get her feet!” I look down just long enough to see Kale dragging Maisy up by the arms as Bill grabs at her flailing legs. Securing her in their hands, they prop her up on the sofa where she sprawls out, on her back, and wails some more. She covers her face, “It’s not fair!” she shrieks through sobs. “I cannot live like this!”
“What’s not fair, honey? Tell Bill, I will make it all better!” Bill pauses, and then adds, “PLEASE, Maisy! Stop crying… Or, I will start to cry, too!”
Huh? I cannot, even!
I reach the top of the staircase and take the few remaining steps to the HHIC door. I enter and shut the door, thus shutting out the commotion below. Yes!
My nice, quiet, perfect Head Houseguest in Charge room; it is all mine; mine, mine, mine! Well, at least for another 24 hours. I can finally make the best of all that the HHIC room has to offer because, as of right here and now, there is no one up my ass asking me for a single, solitary thing!
The nomination and renomination ceremonies? Over.
All of my snacks? Gone.
The HHIC bathroom? Filthy!
I no longer have anything that anyone wants; and it feels awesome!
I go to the middle of the room and sit down on the floor, crisscrossing my legs. I place the back of my hands on my knees, with my middle fingers and thumbs pressed together; you know, like the Buddhas do it!
I close my eyes and let my body relax. I am going find this Zen place if it kills me!
If only I had some candles! That would really set the mood. I mean, they would not have to be the real deal, or anything. Even if they were just some of those nifty flameless candles, it would be perfect. I am going to add that to my Wish List just in case I accidentally win HHIC again.
Now what? I wonder.
“Namu Myoho Renge Kyo,” I say softly, copying from Tina Turner in that ‘What’s Love Got to Do with It’ movie. I have no clue what it means, but it seems to have done the trick for her and I need all of the help that I can get if I am going to survive another day in this madhouse.
“Namu Myoho Renge Kyo,” I say again, and again and again, more loudly as I go.
“Namu Myoho Renge Kyo.”
“Namu Myoho Renge Kyo.”
“Namu Myoho Renge Kyo.”
I think it is working! I am getting a vision! Is that supposed to happen?
In this vision, I can see what can only be described as Paradise on Earth! All around me, there are beautiful things being enjoyed by beautiful people who are eating beautiful food and drinking beautiful drinks! There are white sandy beaches sprawled out for as far as the eye can see. The ocean is the bluest blue I have ever seen and the skies, where the ocean meets the horizon, are a luscious gold mingled with dazzling purples and seductive fuchsias!
To top it off, right smack-dab in the middle of the beach is the most glorious bonfire I ever did lay my eyes on! It lights up the sky like a gazillion fully charged fireflies on a mission to make this the most stunning hallucination vision I have ever experienced! And, look! There is something in the middle of the bonfire. It’s a large, maple tree! Huh? That makes no sense. My eyes travel the length of the tree until they reach its leafy top. There is someone in the tree; he is cradling something in his arms! Who is it?
I focus…. It’s Tim! Wha? But, why?
Tim lifts up his arms, presenting the object to me Simba-Style. He says, “It’s a puppy this time! Can you help me get down from here? There is a lot more fire than before, and I need to find a home for this little guy.” He smiles and hugs the puppy to his chest.
“Huh?” This can’t be right. I look around and paradise slowly starts to fade away. No, come back!
The sky is now a cold, ugly gray. The beautiful things, people, food and drinks have been replaced by clumps of wet sand and broken seashells… and the ocean is now running red with the blood of a gazillion fireflies. But the burning tree, puppy, and Tim? All still here.
“How are you asleep?” he asks.
I feel a wash towel slap against my face and my eyes pop open. The bright lights of the HHIC room invade my corneas. Nooo!
After my eyes adjust enough, I see that I am no longer alone in my sanctuary; the walls have been breached and Casey, Maura and Meagan are all standing in front of me, staring down at me like I am some kind of alien, or something.
Wait, was I just assaulted? I look down at everyone’s hands and realize that Casey is the culprit; she is still holding the wet-pon. “How were you asleep, sitting there like that?” she wants to know.
My eyes turn to slits. “I was visioning before you guys interrupted me!” I say in hopes of coming off as extremely pissed off.
The trio laughed.
My eyes get slittier!
“You were what?” Maura wants to know. She is smirking.
I am containing a silent growl within the walls of my belly. “OK, ‘visioning’ may not be what it is called, bitch, but… fuck you AND fuck that smirk!” Oh, the things that I wish I had the lady ‘nads to say! I force a smile, “How can I help you ladies?” I ask instead.
“Oh my god, you will never believe what Maisy is going on and on about down there. We had to escape.” Meagan says.
So go escape to your own fucking sanctuaries!
I say nothing and a few beats pass.
“Don’t you want to know what it was about?”
I don’t. “…Sure.”
“Sham-fucking-poo!” Maura says with a snorting laugh.
Right. “Shampoo?” I muster up enough energy to inquire.
Casey answers, this time. “Apparently she uses, like, this super expensive bottle of shampoo that she has to import from some village in Spain, or something. She says that ALL of her hair will fall out if she has to use the cheap shit they gave us; on account of some medical condition she claims to have. As if we do not all know that is a fricking weave! She was in J.R. arguing with those poor people for over an hour – ABOUT SHAMPOO!”
I blink. “Unbelievable,” I say flatly.
“Yea,” Casey laughs. “You SO should have put her up on the block as a replacement this week!” The other two laugh with her. “Backdoor her ass!”
I grit my teeth so hard that I nearly bite the tip of my tongue off. I relax my jaw just enough to speak. “What would Madeleine Albright have said to that?” I ask trying to be as nonchalant as possible given that the devil on my right shoulder was starting to win out over the angel on the left one; and the devil wants blood!
“Who?” Casey asks.
I smack myself in the head, but only mentally this time. I am learning! “The uh, ‘cold place in hell,’ comment?” I remind her.
“Ooooooh, you mean Taylor Swift!” Casey laughs, again.
I just stare at her.
“Who is Madeleine Albright? Is she new?”Maura wants to know. “I totes like her name! It sounds so old Hollywood, glam! Does she do, like, retro-like music?”
I slowly divert my eyes from Casey to Maura, so that I could stare silently at her, now.
As I study her clueless face, I suddenly have an epiphany! Closing my eyes, I start chanting softly, “Namu Myoho Renge Kyo!”
I have this all figured out, you see. Clearly, I am still visioning. If I simply redo the chants, I can break out of my current vision! It all makes perfect sense, now! “Namu Myoho Renge Kyo,” I say a few more times. When I finally open my eyes again, the trio had disappeared from my line of sight. It worked!
“Are you done?” I hear from behind me. It is Maura! I turn around to find the trio lounging on my bed. Casey was wearing the headphones; my headphones!
My shoulders slump, in defeat.
“Yea,” Meagan speaks up, “because we want to talk to you about a final four deal before it is too late.”