Make sure to read Chapter One before reading below!
I woke up this morning with a thick fog, a Final Five deal, two Final Four deals, and three Final Three deals floating around my throbbing head. Shit… I might be in trouble.
Before the panic could fully set in, I hear a knock at the door and a beefy, yet toned, leg kicks it open. It’s Linkin. Yay…
He is topless, wearing tight, Nick Hat blue short shorts. Is that baby oil on his skin? Woah, that’s a big bulge.
“I made you some coffee and a bagel,” Linkin says.
“Oh! That was nice of you!” Maybe a little caffeine will help with this headache.
Linkin slowly walks over to the bed, I mean like really slowly, but he still manages to slosh coffee all over the place. How does that happen? Sadly, the “coffee” was mostly milk and sugar and the bagel felt like it had gone straight from fridge to plate. I smile and take the coffee. Fuck the bagel. I put that on the nightstand.
Linkin flops down on the bed. Hard. Geesh! If there had been more coffee in my cup, I would have gotten it all over this nice, plushy down comforter from The Stone!
“Right, so are we good on that Final Two deal, bro?” Linkin looks me in the eyes. His gaze is intense.
Huh? What Final Two deal? Did I get drunk last night and black out? THESE PEOPLE ARE KILLING ME!
“Um… How many seasons of Little Big Play Cousin have you seen?” I ask him.
“ALL OF THEM! I am totes a Super Fan, bro!”
“Riiight… So… Do you think that making a Final Two deal so early in the game is a good idea?”
Linkin frowns and pulls back, “Woah, bro, you are really being majorly sketchy, right now. You are really sketching me out, majorly, bro.”
I am nervous now, so I giggle and say, “No, no! I don’t mean to uh… ‘sketch you out,’ er, bro. I am just saying that we still have a lot of game to play and I don’t know if right now is the best time to make final anything deals with anyone. Besides, I already have like five or six other deals that I am pretty sure doesn’t even include you.” OK, I only say last part in my head.
Linkin’s frown deepens, “Listen bro, if you don’t want to work with me, that is perrrrfectly fine, bro. I mean, I was going to keep you protected for AT LEAST the next five weeks, bro. But, I guess if you don’t want that protection I,” he thumbs his chest, “can offer it up to someone else, bro. Just remember this conversation when you are up on the block next week, bro, because I have warned you, bro!”
Yikes! Maybe he is part of one of the alliance deals I made last night! He has to be because there is no way he thinks he can protect me all by himself. Damnit! Why can’t I remember??? Maybe I should go into the Journal Room and ask the medic if brain damage and memory loss is associated with prolonged hanging upside-downedness. But, I will have to deal with that later, right now, I need to try to think fast!
I giggle and throw my arms in the air. “Yaaaay! You passed the test!”
Linkin looks confused for a few seconds before giving a slow chuckle, and then a bellowing laugh. “Oooooh, I see what you were doing, bro. You are a sly fox. A foxy old lady, bro.”
I growl under my breath.
“Woah, eat your bagel,” Linkin picks the saucer up from the nightstand and hands it to me. “I can practically hear your belly, like, rumbling, bro.”
I slap the bagel off the plate. “Oops! I am SO clumsy!”
Linkin throws his head back and laughs. I giggle.
“It’s OK, bro. Clumsy older ladies are, like, WAY hot, bro. You are kind of like Sandra Bullock, in every movie she has ever done, in that way, bro.”
Hey! I am hotter, and MUCH younger! And, what is this sunny California surfer dude swag he has going on? He was born and raised in Omaha!! Mysteries… Or… I guess it is just as likely that I am getting his birthplace mixed up with someone else’s. I need an aspirin.
“So, we are good then, bro?”
“Yes, Final Two, me and you… Bro! Meanwhile, we should… Uh… meet with the rest of our alliance to make a game plan,” I hold my breath and watch as Linkin’s face falls into a confused frown. Eep, nope! I should not have said that!
Linkin furrowed his eyebrows. He is thinking really hard. “How do you mean, bro?”
I giggle. “I mean, obviously it cannot just be me and you… We need to find… I mean, we need to recruit some soldiers, to er… Do our dirty work for us! To, uh, keep the blood off of our hands and fry the bigger fish. I, uh… I thought we were on the same page with this.”
Linkin nods knowingly… At least, he is pretending to know. “Right, bro. We need strong soldiers to fortify our army, bro. Take out the big fish.”
I clap and giggle through a tight grin, “Yes! That is… what we need!”
A knock sounds on the door. Oh, thank goodness! Save me!
Blonde Girl walks in. Aw, shit!
Linkin perks up and rearranges his bulging package. How can his boys even breathe in there? “Hey Maisy,” he says, “What’s cooking, bro?”
Maisy! I snap my fingers. Maisy and Linkin look at me. I giggle.
Maisy swings her head towards Linkin. There was heat glaring behind those baby blues.
“Don’t ever call me bro! I am not a bro! I am a lady, a woman, not a bro, not a brother. A girl, a sister or a sis! I am thin and pretty, not smelly and rough. I am soft, I smell GOOD! I pay a lot of money to smell, look and taste good. Do not call me bro! Ever! Got it?”
Linkin stares at Maisy until she breaks his trance by flicking her wrist, dismissing him with a single wave.
Linkin gets up and leaves. Holy shit! I need to learn her magics!
I watch wide-eyed as Maisy takes Linkin’s spot on the bed next to me. She gets right to business.
“Listen, you need to, like, put up Maura and Meagan. They are coming after you next week. They told me. Plus, they are, like, already calling themselves M & M. They have got to go!”
Maisy speaks rapidly and sometimes it takes me a second to fully process her words. So, while waiting on my possibly brain-damaged brain to do that, I say this: “Meagan, Maura and Maisy. M & M & M.” And, of course, I say it with a giggle.
Maisy wrinkles her nose as if something foul had just passed up under it. “Did you hear me? Those girls want you OUT OF THE HOUSE next week! You need to put them on the block!”
“They are coming after me? But, why? I haven’t done anything to them…” Plus, I am pretty sure that I am in an alliance with both of them. Two different alliances, but allied nonetheless. Shouldn’t I be safe?
“Oh my GAWD! I am, like, giving you good intel here! Wake up! Are you going to put them up or not? I need to know, like, right now.”
Shit… Should I put them up? Won’t I be backstabbing two alliances if I do that? Oh, yea… That would not be a good idea. I need to convince Maisy that there is a better way! “I have not decided who to put up on the block, yet…” I throw my hands up in a shrug.
Maisy glared. “Maura said that your boob job sucks and, like, your right tit’s bigger than your left tit.”
I stare blankly at Maisy for a minute. Is she serious with this shit? If my boobs are two different sizes, it is because God made them that way! A boob job? “Er… It was probably just a joke,” I tell her flatly. Then, I smile. Hey, no giggle that time. Being accused of having work done by the Plastics Queen must have been sobering.
Maisy scoffs, “Oh, they laughed alright. Listen, if you don’t put them on the block, they will, like, come for you next week and I won’t be able to protect you because there is, like, NOTHING I can do with someone who isn’t willing to accept my friendly advice when it is, like, literally handed to them on a silver platter!”
I am not allied with Maisy. I can so totally put her on the block. I am going to tell her that she is going up right now!
Maisy softens her tone, her shoulders slack a bit. Ha! She knows she was about to be in trouble! “Listen Sherra,” she says, “our alliance really needs you to, like, do this. It is what is best for our alliance, if we want to go far. You should really just put them up. ”
Huh? Wait… What? Could she not have led with that whole, we are allies, thing? Oh, I know what I can say! I shake my head and shrug, “I just really don’t want to put two girls up on the block the first week. Maybe I… We… Our alliance should go after that muscly guy you were telling me about before… I will make him my target and, uh, put him up next to a pawn!” That’s the ticket!
“What the fuck is a muscly??” Bitch-Maisy is back. That was fast.
I shake my head and flail my arms about.
Maisy rudely cringes at my awkwardness. “Listen,” she says, “I need for you to, like, really understand this. Pawns DO go home! Besides, if you put Daniel,” the muscle-bound guy, “on the block, all of the strong guys will go after you! If you put two girls on the block, it will show them that you aren’t all into that vagina loyalty bullshit and they will work with you and protect you!”
“But… I am into that vagina loyalty bullshit.”
“Ugh!” Now she looks as if she has tasted something foul, “I am going to, like, pretend that you did NOT just say that!” Maisy flips her weave, “Ugh,” she says again. I heard you the first time, bitch. “Listen, don’t come crying to me next week about this! If you don’t put up Meagan and Maura, you are, like, FOR SURE going home next because our alliance will be livid!”
“I can always win the Veto of Doom…”
Maisy throws her weave around and laughs, “Oh my GAWD! Do you, like, hear yourself?!”
I give a quick shrug, but before I could think of a suitable remark to that condescending question, someone knocks on the door and opens it. A short auburn-haired girl poked her head into the room. Her name is Lana. I think. If nothing else, I know she is in one of my alliances. I think.
“We are talking right now, get out!” Maisy snaps. My eyes widen. What the fuck?
Lana laughs but her face reads, “Excuse me?” She ignores Maisy’s orders and turns to me, “Can we talk alone?” Oh. I guess Maisy’s powers don’t work on everyone. I am relieved, yet a little disappointed.
I look up at Maisy. I am scared, but I force myself to say, “Ifff you don’t mind…” I move my arm in a sweepingly stiff Vanna White-like motion towards the door.
Legit flames are raging in Maisy’s eyes now. Eep! “Of course I mind! But, whatever, it’s your funeral.”
Lana, with an open mouthed smirk, and I, with a strained, fear-laden smile, watch as Maisy gets up and flounces out of the room. Thank God that is over!
Lana moved to take Maisy’s spot. These people, and their bums, are going to wear a hole in this fabulous comforter from The Stone!
“What in the hell was that about?” Lana wants to know. “Doesn’t she know that she can’t just talk to people like that?”
I shrug. And, I giggle. “She wants me to put Maura and Maisy on the block.”
Lana looks confused, “But… she is Maisy.”
I giggle. “I mean, she wants me to put Maura and… Megan on the block.”
“Yes! Meagan!” Jesus.
“OK, well you are not going to do that, right? Obvi. I mean, Meagan and Maura are in our alliance. She is stupid if she thinks you are going to do that!”
Huh? Wait… I am confused. I giggle. “Well, she doesn’t know that we are, all four, working together…” Hell, even I didn’t know. So, is this one of my Final Four deals or is this the Final Five deal?
“OK, so since you obvi cant put up M & M, who will you put up? I mean, if you ask me, I think you should put up Linkin. He is already getting on everyone’s nerves! He keeps telling M & M that he wants them to melt in his mouth. He is, like, so obvi a creep. ”
“Obvi…” When did we get too lazy to say three syllable words?
“So, who are you putting up next to Linkin? ”
“Um, Daniel?” I will make Linkin my pawn and blindside Daniel!
“What? Why would you put up your own alliance member? Are you a Rachelle?”
Shit! I resist grabbing my heart. I giggle. “Uh, well, you know… I mean, what better way to throw people off of our trail? They, uh… They won’t EVER suspect that we are working together if I put him on the block! Right?”
Lana just stares at me.
“Or, you know… I can, like, not put him up at all…”
“Yea. That may be a better plan. So, who will you put up next to Linkin?”
I feel dizzy. “Well, obvi I will put up someone who is not in our alliance, silly goose!”
Lana nods and say, “OK, well… Think about it. Me, you and the others will meet up late tonight when it is safe to get together. Plan?”
I give a tight smile, “Plan,” I squeak.
After Lana exited my HHIC room, the rest of the day did not get any easier, but I managed to mostly figure out all of my alliances. One Final Two deal, one Final Five deal, two Final Four deals, and then three Final Three deals which had spun off from the Final Five and Final Four deals. Shit. Crap. Fuck.
The good thing about having deals with 11 out of 16 people in the house is that it only leaves me with a few options of who to put on the block. The bad thing about having deals with 11 out of 16 people in the house is that I have deals with 11 out of 16 people in the house! Fuck! Crap! Shit!