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Alex Sucks

bbott-live-dr-2-alex-560x311There is little more annoying than an overrated Big Brother player with a large fan base. These irrational individuals have absolutely no ability to be objective and examine their fav’s game honestly.  Of course, we all have the right to like who we like, but the insistence that a certain player is playing the best game, while mountains of evidence exists to prove otherwise, is maddening.

Alex sucks, and here’s why. (The following was written before this week’s Eviction/HOH).

Before she even “won” last week’s HoH competition, she had an extremely stubborn opposition to the format of Big Brother Over the Top including America’s unprecedented involvement with the game. She clearly went into the house with a set notion of what her strategy would be and America voting on so many aspects of the game obviously threw a wrench in that plan. There are always disappointments going into the Big Brother house when you realize that things cannot pan out the way you envisioned. The greats figure out  how to adapt. .

While there are elements of Classic Big Brother that you can apply to Big Brother Over the Top (ie, using certain types of players as shields, not wanting strong/solid duos or trios at the end, etc) using 100% CBB strategy to play BBOTT is akin to trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. It just does not fit. Despite not knowing how involved America would be, Alex should have at least “expected the unexpected” and considered that, as she went along, she may have to alter her strategy to make it work for any twists that come her way. It would have been ideal if she would have started to shift her game to be more in line with America’s involvement. Do not entirely pander to the feeders, but don’t essentially say, “fuck you,” either.

Something else that is probably not the best winning strategy is framing America for your hinky votes. Something that Alex thought would be smart to do, but ultimately turned out to be somewhat of a hindrance. (More on that later.)

So, let’s get started. How does Alex suck? Let us count the ways!

Number 1: Not Knowing When You Need to Win

Going into the HoH competition, Alex really did not need to win. Alex went into the week not really on anyone’s immediate radar, but came out of the week at the top of several people’s target lists. Before this week, the other side of the house would have easily put Monte, Shelby and/or Scott on the block long before ever thinking about putting up Alex.

Neely could not have been a more perfect person to win that HOH. Her… affinity towards Monte was the perfect time for Alex to cultivate a relationship with someone who is outside of her core group. Neely is someone who she could set herself up with for further down the road when Neely needs to start targeting people on her side; people like Danielle and Shane who are the low men on the Jamboree pole.

Number 2: Making Emotional Choices


There was never any doubt about who Alex would put up, of course. She and her fellow Plastics have wanted Danielle out of the house since they saw her walk through the door. They literally hated her on sight. When you decide that you do not like someone because of something superficial, such as their appearance, and refuse to work with them or properly prioritize them as targets in a way that makes sense for your game, you are already setting yourself up for failure. Vanessa did this in BB17 and had duos/showmances as her shields. If she would have won the last HOH, she would have won the whole game.

Danielle and Shane, at this stage of the game, are perfect shields. Showmances are always targets. You do not want a showmance in the top 5, but you don’t take them out at 12th place, either.

Furthermore, unlike with most seasons of Big Brother, the house had a 3-day forewarning about what the POV competition would be. The house knew that it would be a golfing competition. The house also knew that Shane is/was a professional golfer. The nominations had not been made yet; perhaps Shane is not the best person for the block? While the obvious move, in order to take out one part of a couple, is to put them both on the block, a pro golfer competing in a golf competition is probably reasonably considered “extenuating circumstances” since you can reasonably assume that someone who has golfed professionally would have a leg up on the competition. If there was anytime for a pawn situation, this was it. If Danielle must be your target, put her up with a pawn or try to backdoor her.

Of course Alex could not just completely screw over her numbers and put up her closest allies as the actual targets. But she has other options. Scott’s allegiances rove and are unpredictable. Not only has he flipped and voted against them, he has already revealed himself as untrustworthy by going from side to side spilling everything he is told. Even now, he is screwing up their plans by giving the other side information they did not want them to have.

Then you have Shelby, who everyone in the house hates – including the Plastics. She is obviously making herself an early target for the other side of the house and America. The Plastics themselves said that she is probably seen as the mean girl. When it comes time for Shelby to be nominated or targeted, which is sooner than later, Alex can very easily be thrown up with her. Scott’s loose lips/unpredictability and Shelby’s nastiness are both liabilities to Alex’s long term game.montehavenotrevealbb

Then you have the out of the box option of Monte. He is another liability and is clearly on America’s bad side. She knows this because America put up Cornbread, Monte’s close ally, and voted him out last week. She knows this because Monte and Morgan were put on slop this week. A great pander to America could have been his head on a silver platter. Clearly, you need America on your side in this version of Big Brother because, even if your side wins the next HOH and does not target you, America can still put your side on slop and on the block. America does not do pawns. If you go on the block, we are probably also voting you out.

A Monte nomination would have been the biggest feather in her cap and even Misfits fans would not have been able to take that move away from her. It would have also been a signal to that fans that she is ready to play BBOTT. She could have very easily made the case to her fellow Plastics that Monte was putting them in the line of fire and that they would probably be nominated and put on slop  every week for being associated with him.

In the end, Alex would not have had to worry about picking nominees/targets at all had she simply given the HOH to Neely, who would have probably put up Scott and Shelby. With those nominations, she would have probably had a better shot at getting people to vote out Scott/Shelby over Monte with Neely’s help in persuading them since Neely really, really, really did not want her ivory bae him out of the house.

Alex’s tunnel vision, when it comes to Danielle, made it impossible for her to consider other options. It is rare that alliances are so solid in week one that they cannot be reworked to include people who were not in it originally, but Alex is not able to see it. Letting Neely have HOH would have given her a shot at replacing people who are liabilities and a detriment to her game (Scott/Shelby) with someone who isn’t (Neely) and who can also help keep her off the block when/if her side wins HOH. She needs to rework her game with her end game in mind. (Shelby would have probably been the better choice for the Plastics because Scott possibly win mental comps.)

Speaking of missed opportunities…

Number 3: Failure to Utilize Sibling Twist


Alex, unlike anyone else walking into the house, had a great advantage in having her sister play the game with her. But, instead of using this advantage to their benefit and SPLITTING UP between the sides, they have decided to both be a visible part of the same side of the house.

Big Brother Canada’s recent winners are a set of brothers who went into the house as a KNOWN set of siblings and even THEY managed to place themselves on opposites of the house. This tactic can’t work for this particular set of siblings for one reason, and one reason only – They hate Danielle.

Number 4: Lacking Perception

Alex, like all of Team MAGA, in general, has almost no read on the other side of the house. Part of this is caused by the Plastics/Team MAGA (Make America Great Again (I WILL make fetch happen!)) isolating themselves in the HOH room that they have had the last two weeks.

An illustration of Alex’s lack of perception is her belief that the only people, who are “playing the game,” are her and her allies. Because of this, it is impossible for her to know what those on the other side of the house will do in various situations and #scenarios.

Monday night, after the veto competition, team MAGA + Shelby lamented on how Dane and Jason are “playing” and “lying to” Justin and Neely in order to “trick them” into voting out Monte.  (All of this while they themselves were plotting ways to “lie” and “trick” Shane, Justin and/or Neely into voting out one of their allies.)

She does not consider that all of the time she spends away from them, that they are talking about the game at some of those points, and not just “having fun.” Of all the people on Alex’s side of the house, the only person who has tried to “infiltrate” the Misfits is Whitney. That is simply bad social gaming on Alex’s part.

There seems to be a perception held by the Plastics/Team MAGA (and their fans, alike), that you cannot be considered “playing the game” if you do not talk game for hours on in. The thing that they do not seem to get is that you do not have to keep going over plans, changing plans, or tweaking plans once you have come up with a good one.

Late Night Crew/Jamboree/The Misfits do not have to spend hours plotting and scheming because they come up with their plans relatively quickly.  They trust each other to do what they say they are going to do to execute the plan. What else is there to talk about? (Not that all of their plans work, but the plans they come up with tend to be the best ones for their situation at the time. ie, suggesting putting up Scott in order to save Monte – a perfect time for Alex to pitch Shelby instead and possibly flip Neely to save Monte, her stronger ally.)

Compare the “Save Monte by Evicting Scott” plan to the “Tell Justin He Can Frame America, Just Like Me, and Keep His Number One Enemy in the House and Piss Off America in the Process” plan and there is no competition on which plan was rooted in more logic and reason.

Number 5: Ineffectual Planning

Because the Plastics/Team MAGA aren’t actually the swiftest cocks in the race, they tend to ramble through and come up with one bad plan after the other only to settle on a plan that will never work and then, naturally, fail to execute it.

Part of the problem is Alex’s hinky vote which most of the Misfits did not fall for anyway. The people who did fall for it just so happen to be on Alex’s side.  Much of their time was spent saying things such as, “Maybe IT WAS America who voted out Danielle! So they will maybe probably do it again!! They ALL hate her as much as we do, right??? Monte is a saint and a gentleman!! Why would America want him out??”  Try as she might, Alex could not pull them entirely away from the idea of America voting Danielle out and, frankly, that took up brain power that could have been used to think of a plan that was less asinine than the eleventy-five other bad plans that had already thought of.

The final settle upon plan was some unnecessarily convoluted lie to try to trick Neely into a sympathy vote for Monte (which led to Neely tears instead of insulting her intelligence, as it should have) but then telling everyone else that they were voting out Monte… or something. Frankly, it was hard to follow given how little sense it made.

Number 6: Making Bad Situations Worse

Alex knows that America nominated Monte’s closest ally in week one. Alex knows America voted out Monte’s closest ally in week one because Alex knows that it was not America who voted out Danielle. Alex knows that America put Monte and Morgan on slop. Alex knows America put Morgan on slop because of her closeness with Monte.  Alex knows that America nominated Monte for eviction.  Alex has all of the necessary information to conclude that America is more than likely going to vote out Monte this week. A smart player, a good player, a great player, a savvy player would have accepted that they have lost this round, and adjust.

That adjustment was putting Scott/Shelby up as a replacement. Not because she thinks that the other side is actually going to vote out Scott/Shelby over Monte, but Scott is alone on an island, Shelby is hated by all, so there is no one to retaliate against her. Both have burnt their bridges and no one on the other side will trust them or pick them over each other. They would have had to stay on Alex’s side if they survived the week. (For some reason, it did not even cross Alex’s mind that she did not have to blindside anyone with the renomination.)

She also needed to put up Scott/Shelby because she already had made a deal with Kryssie that she would not put her on the block if she saved Jason and left her targets available for nomination. Going back on her word showed the house – IN WEEK TWO – that her word is worth no more than Monte’s laughable modesty and faux chivalry.

Nominating Kryssie effectively killed any shot at saving Monte. Obviously, Neely could not flat out say to her allies that she wanted to save Monte, but if she could have worked them over the next 24 hours into agreeing that Monte will always be a bigger target in front of them, can’t play in the next POV, would probably always get America to vote against him in some capacity, it is a real possibility that even her allies would have agreed to suffer through another week of Monte as a more strategic move.

Note:  Neely admitted in her live diary that she wanted the votes to actually stay the same and flip the house against Shane to get him out. So it is actually a very real possibility that she would have tried to get Scott/Shelby out and that is the reason she is as livid as she is at Alex for putting up Kryssie. 

Because of Alex’s rigidness, stubbornness and unwillingness to adapt her game to Big Brother OVER THE TOP, she opted to move herself to the front of both Kryssie and Neely’s target lists, when before neither would have gone after her if they would have won HOH next week.

To recap…

Alex’s Week  included:

  1. Throwing a hinky vote that made it difficult strategize
  2. Framing America
  3. George Dubya Bushing an HOH
  4. Nominating a golf pro for a golf POV
  5. Losing the Power of Veto competition 4 vs 2
  6. Giving herself a disadvantage in the next HOH
  7. Squandering her only chance to save a better ally
  8. Ruining her social game w/others outside Plastics
  9. Breaking a deal (that the entire house knew about)
  10. Blindsiding the person who made the aforementioned deal with renomination
  11. Making two new enemies
  12. Becoming a bigger garget
  13. Losing a solid ally to eviction

We all have our own opinions, but it is extremely difficult to spin the above into “great game play.”

Alex’s desire to be a serious gamer, alone, does not make her a “great player” and it certainly does not make her the “best player” in the house. Is she an improvement over the last blonde with glasses that played Big Brother? Absolutely, no question. Does she have the POTENTIAL to be a better player? Sure. But this preemptive crowning of her Big Brother Great is a bit perplexing. There is absolutely nothing Alex has actually done that has shown that she is a great player. You do not get credit for playing one game well just because the strategy you are using could possibly work in a different game.

As much as Alex’s fans like to bitch and moan about America’s involvement, Alex’s side of the house have done themselves no favors. Week one, they played in the POV 4 vs 1 vs 1.  Week two, they again played in the POV with a 4 vs 2 advantage and 2 of them (Scott/Shelby) were clearly not attempting to win. With Monte totally flopping, that made the competition 2 vs 1. That is not America’s fault. Couple this with their horrible social games and lack of desire to try to comingle with people who “don’t fit in” and who are not like them (minus Whitney), their side of the house is flat out blowing their own games.

The two HOH’s that they have “won” were pretty much given to them with Alex not being disqualified for touching the pole with her second hand (shut up) and Monte just being the last person standing the week before.

Winning Big Brother has never been a one-size fits all type of thing. Being great at it includes being able to maneuver your way around the twists and turns that are thrown your way. While her strategy in regular Big Brother would have been more effective, in Big Brother Over the Top, it could not be. It is not as if it is impossible to adjust and adapt to this format because several other players already have. Alex is simply too petty, too stubborn and too set in her ways to do so. As a consequence, her Head of Household reign will end just like Monte’s did last week. Three people nominated, all of them “coming back,” as Monte would say.

The thing that makes Alex “suck” is that she has had plenty of information and plenty of opportunities to make this HoH work for her and come out on the other side either better, or no worse off. A savvier player would have been able to pull that off.

None of this is to say that Alex should not have fans and people who root for her. We are all allowed to root for whomever we want for whatever reasons we want to. That is a given. I simply challenge her fans, who insist that she is the next coming of Danielle Kirby-Gheesling, to make their case for the greatness they proclaim she possesses.

What are three positive things that Alex gained during her HOH, things that she did not have before the week began?  How will those things impact her game moving forward? Did she learn more about the dynamics of the house?  She doesn’t think anyone on the other side is playing and that Neely is at the bottom of a 6 person alliance when she is near the top. She thinks Justin is just there to have fun and that no one talks strategy with him or lets him know what is going on.

By all measures, (fingers crossed) this HoH was a complete failure. It does not matter what “would have happened” if they were playing classic Big Brother, because they are not. Alex failed this week, not only in not getting her target evicted (pleeeeeeease geesus), but she did not use her position to learn anything new about what was happening in the house or make new deals.

Sorry Alex fans, as much as it might hurt to hear this… It must be said. Alex may aspire to be a great player, but she is nowhere near one.

Update: Ding Dong the Fool is Gone!

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Unpopular Opinion Alert – I am not mad at Loveita’s nominees.

Unpopular Opinion Alert – I am not mad at Loveita’s nominees (anymore).

is that so

I know, I knoooow!! I know what you are saying in your Aussie mixed with English tinged Canadian accents, “But Kraziler, she should ‘ave put up the 3rd Wheel alliance! They put ‘er on the block AND got ‘er bestie of two weeks evicted from the game; they are horrid people… especially that Kelsey and that Rail!! THEY ‘AVE GOT TO GO-O!!”

I get it! I was mad too! But…

…But, honestly, when you are in a game with a house full of people who hate you on a level so irrational that it almost makes Donald Drumpf supporters look sane, it is actually kind of hard to mess up your nominations too much.  Of all the people she could have nominated, Christine and Cassandra were not her BEST options, but they definitely were not her worst. She had one side wanting Dallas and Maddy up, and the other wanting Kelsey and Jared/Rail up.   She decided to not pick sides and go with people she deemed as being lower risk to her personal game.

Firstly – Let’s look at the facts – Loveita is not good at Big Brothering. She just isn’t. She has no social skills and thinks it is a game that should be played based on honesty and integrity, where people should be able to put their cards out on the table with no hard feelings. But even in that, she failed because she gave Cassandra and Christine no heads up that they were going to go on the block. She actually told Cassandra that she had nothing to worry about and that she was good, so it was a total blindside. Personally, I don’t think you have to tell people you are putting them up, and let’s be honest, as fans we LOVE when people are blindsided. But, Loveita cannot have it both ways. You cannot pride yourself on Never Telling a Lie and then lie. If you want your word to be regarded as golden, and that is your “thing” in the game, then you actually have to stick to it.  She did not do that, yet is still going around saying that she did.


Another fact is that Cassandra is not really Loveita’s friend. Everyone knows that when she said, “Great, that stupid/dumb bitch won HOH again,” she was not kidding. This girl has spent the entire time the feeds have been up bashing Loveita behind her back. Yes, she kept Loveita, but she really only kept her because she thought she could control her better than Sharry. She thinks she is a mastermind, and it is kind of cute, really.  But, Loveita is marching to the beat of her own morality driven drum. She has her own rhymes and she has her own reasons and she even has the beanies the match.

Loveita is also being a tad spiteful; let’s just be honest about it. In week one, when she said it would be a good idea to stop to the showmance before it got rolling, people balked at it. Christine said she did not like the way Sharry spoke to her and Cassandra didn’t want to vote their way either. So, Kelsey stayed. This left Sharry and Loveita targets for Jared who Loveita never targeted in the first place, but he had to go after the people who went after his girl of 2 hours. Fine, that’s the game. Christine was also totally graceless about not using the POV on Sharry and Loveita, not even pretending to entertain the idea. It is her right not to use the POV, but in the game of Big Brother, there is also a way that you do things to make people think that you at least care. Christine has not made it a secret that she hates Loveita and she hated Sharry. OK, that’s fine. But, now you are on the block. In that regard, Christine lacks the same SOCIAL graces that Loveita lacks. And, now… You are on the block…

Loveita also does not want to do the job of taking out people for others in the house, and honestly, that is a legitimate position. If 3rd Wheel wants Maddy/Dallas/Ramsey out, then they need to win and take them out. If Maddy/Dallas/Ramsey wants 3rd Wheel out, then they need to win their own HOH and take them out. Typically, that is how Big Brother works. People take out the person they deem to be the greatest threat to their personal game.  In her own way, Loveita probably thought she was somehow saving the house from the showmance and that she was doing this for not just her, but everyone. So, since that did not work, she is now doing what she wants to do and doing it for herself and not others.

shrug 2

You all have to remember that all of these people pretty much treated Loveita like shit during her time on the block. Yes, they kept her but they had to keep one. It is not like they kept her because they loved her. That was a failure on their part. When you know who you are keeping, PLAY NICE because they may actually win HOH again. DUH. Ultimately, Loveita knows they kept her to go after 3rd Wheel and she decided that she was not going to be their tool. And, yes, she actually said this aloud. She knows that is why they kept her. And MAAAYBE she is a little bitter about it.  #spitefulnessonfleekandiloveit

Then there is the Tim factor. I know you Canucks love your Timmy! (And believe me, he has kept me quite entertained as well…) But, you know he is a big reason that Loveita felt better about putting Cassandra on the block, right? Loveita is an over thinker and Big Brother gave her all freaking day to over think who the hell she was going to place on the block. So, in comes Tim all goofy and jolly and ready to stir the pot in his evil charismatic curly blonde Aussie way… and when Loveita said that she was thinking of putting Cassandra on the block, did he try to walk her back from the idea? Nosirree bob! In fact, he said that he was at risk of falling in love with the rudely crass old bugger and that he would gladly VOTE HER OUT himself!  He said he is not playing a vengeful type of Big Brother where, if Loveita takes out Cassandra, he will in turn come after her.


Tim also, in a way, confirmed that Cassandra’s “stupid bitch” comment was not a joke. It was in that moment that my heart sank because, although in denial, it knew that twas when Loveita decided that Cassandra and Christine were going to take a wee trip to the nomination chairs.

So, let’s look at Loveita’s options – FROM HER PESPECTIVE – not ours, we who have ALL THE INFOS, but HER perspective.

She has 3rd Wheel who consists of THREE people. TWO of those THREE people will still exist after the eviction.

Then there option two – Cassandra, who seems to be closest to Tim, but does not really seem to have a real alliance because she just bounces from group to group playing all sides against one another. Tim is not a factor, based on his own words, so that is ONE person.

Then there is Christine, who also does not seem to have an alliance… because she doesn’t. How do you have an alliance when you stay in bed all day? It just does not happen.   (OK, yes, I know McCranda, but whatever!) That is ONE person.

So, Loveita is hearing that IF she puts up 3rd Wheel, 100%, those TWO people are coming after her. But if she puts up Christine and Cassandra, the only person who is going to come after her is the ONE person who survives the block. ONE person after you is better than TWO persons any day… Amiright? AMIRIGHT???

And that is #LoveitaLogic.

What Loveita did not consider, however, is how mad 3rd Wheel would be that she did not put up Maddy/Dallas/Ramsey or vice versa. What she did not consider is that the move comes across as irrational and crazy because, in the game of Big Brother, this is just not something people do. Especially when you are saving the very same people who, as you are making your decision, are off in another room saying, “Just play along, we will get her out next week!”

This move also calls into question what another Loveita HOH would look like, which means that people who may not have targeted her next week would consider getting her out because they just don’t know if they would be on her radar next time. It is not like she has not proven she could win comps, crapshoot aside.

That said, let me play the OPTIMIST for a minute!

happy-twins (1)


Jared is proving to be a relatively level headed person amongst many many hot tempered people and he has recognized that he can weaponize Loveita to his advantage. He has already told Rail he would not go after her the next few weeks. That could change, but… maybe not.  Kelsey has said time and time again that Jared is not the boss of her, so a Kelsey HOH can definitely result in a Loveita eviction, but she seems to have her eyes set on Maddy at the moment. I could see her putting up Loveita and Maddy, although Jared may try to talk her out of it.

Continuing the optimism, technically, there is no reason for Mitch, Joel, 3rd Wheel, Dallas/Maddy/Ramsey, the brothers or Nikki to go after Loveita OVER people who can actually win the game next week. Many of them hate her, but she is not actually after them or their games. Tim WOULD have wanted to keep her there to cause chaos, but she has recently learned that he has been talking about her behind her back and she complained about him to Nikki OF ALL PEOPLE so I suspect that position will change quite soon. Hell, Big Brother will help Tim get Lov out if they have to!

Ultimately, Loveita CANNOT win Big Brother, which is the biggest argument she has to get dragged to the end. This group has all the markings of the bitterest jury in Big Brother history so she can TRY to use that to her advantage.

ATEOTD, in true Gemini form, the Pessimist in me has to rear its ugly head and say that I predict Loveita’s time in the #BBCAN4 house ends the week of the Instant Eviction.

I know the vast majority of the fandom, especially the super fandom is extremely disappointed with Loveita and her decisions, but after watching her play last week, this is not the most shocking conclusion. The POV is being played and things can definitely get crazier given how mad Loveita is at Tim…And one thing is for sure, with her in the house playing Big Brother, we really can expect the unexpected!!

As an aside, given the conversations today, I am 99.99% sure that the edit this week will revolve around the idea that Loveita is trying to get all of the girls out of the house… although it is impossible for her to actually work with any of those girls and many of those girls’ main targets are also girls… The talk of the house is “Why is Loveita targeting girls,” so we have that to look forward to!

eyeroll 3.gif


Thanks for reading!

(PS, normally I insert screenshots from the feeds, but going back to particular conversations/dates and times is very hard with these feeds, so you had to suffer through animated gifs. SOWWY! )


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Big Brother Canada 3: Final Three Weeks

OK, so… With 3 weeks left in the game, I am going to breakdown how I see the remaining houseguests. I know many of us have been lamenting about how God-awful this cast is, and this post is not going to be any different. So, if you think that this is the best gosh-darn season of Big Brother, in the history of ALL Big Brothers (or, if you are a fan of the Diaper Alliance), you may kindly stop reading and exit stage left!

I started to make this a twitlonger, but I thought this post would be more fun with pictures!


The only thing making this season somewhat interesting are the never ending twists… (No, seriously… Is there some kind of Big Brother Twist record that #BBCAN3 is trying to break that we are unaware of???)

Anywho, This is my breakdown!

Zashleigh Reimagined
Zashleigh Reimagined

ASHLEIGH: Smartest move in the game was finding a “showmance” to use as a meat shield. Luckily, her showmance led to joining forces with another showmance and the ultimate formation of the super elite Shit Squad… or Diaper Alliance; whatever. Despite having the combined IQ of a cucumber and the instincts of a gnat, the Diapers have pretty much controlled most of the nominations and evictions this season. The fact that this alliance has been so tone deaf to what is ACTUALLY happening in the house, and have only JUST lost its first member, is an astounding testament to just how bad this season is. As Ygritte from Game of Thrones would (theoretically) say, “You know nothing, Diaper Alliance!” Their perception? NOT on fleek! But, as others have noted, you do not have to be smart if you keep winning the competitions. So, good for you, Ashleigh for picking competitions beasts!

As incensed as Ashleigh gets when she hears that people think she is Zach’s lapdog, she still uses her first comp win/HOH to prove them right by going after his targets instead of those who would threaten her game most. Despite being much more intelligent and perceptive than him, she always gives in to Zach’s thinking over her own instincts. She is young and clearly has not learned to trust her instincts, yet. Still, I find this frustrating. After all, as a Vagina Warrior, I do actually want her to be great, damnit!

In conclusion: In a roundabout way, this upcoming twist could actually help Ashley if Zach or Bruno is evicted. If Zach leaves, she will not have him to talk the common sense out of her. If Bruno leaves, as one born penis-less, she is instantly safer. Essentially, this twist may save her from herself.

BRITNEE: “The Pawnable Model with No Brains” can best describe how the house (and many a fan) sees Britnee. The house pretty much sees Britnee’s moves as Sarah’s moves (as if Sarah would have wanted Willow on the block) and blamed Sarah (and Johnny) for Graig’s eviction. Sarah IS “poison,” after all, right? Last night, The remaining Shitters Diapers blamed Sarah for Britnee’s nominations of Pili, Kevin and Zach. You know… The very people who used Britnee as a pawn by nominating her, repeatedly, week after week. Pili actually asked Sarah why Britnee nominated her. Why WOULDN’T she nominate you??? (I know, logic…)

While Britnee is taking a lot of flak for nominating Willow, as a replacement during the triple eviction, from her perception Willow was no less of a threat than Ashleigh or Pilar, given that Willow was Sarah’s ally and not hers. That, on the top of the fact that Willow was playing everyone (but Sarah) in the house and never considered for the block, perhaps made her even more of a threat in Brit’s eyes. Fake fights with Sarah did not help prove that Willow was reliable or trustworthy. While both girls have called for Britnee’s head on a platter, at least with Ashleigh, she knows what she is getting.

In conclusion: Since Britnee does not get any credit for her own nominations, it actually works for her in the House of the Dim; where all logic and reasoning is replaced with flavorless bubblegum, cinnaslop and dryer lint. (This same thing can be held against her if she somehow makes it to the Final 2). Despite putting up 3 of her allies, Ashleigh is still targeting Sarah and Godfrey over Britnee. Despite backdooring Graig, Bruno still targeted Sarah and Johnny with his HOH. Whether or not you agree with her moves, Britnee comes out the other side of her HOHs with smaller targets on her back.

BRUNO: Bruno, Bruno, Bruno… (No, this is not a celebratory chant.) This guy has been all over the map, as far as who he is loyal to/willing to work with, but he cemented his choice of “Bros before Hoes” over the last week. Yes, he has gone full force against the girls with his penis leading the way. Railing against a girl alliance that never existed, he has made it pretty clear that he wants a vagina free house. Of course, with Brit not nominating him for eviction, she is likely the last girl on his hit list. (Score 1 for Brit). Contradicting myself, I actually would not be surprised if he wants Brit for the Final 2 since he, and the house, think she has not done anything that Sarah did not poison her to do. Besides, how could a girl ever beat him in the Final 2? He just needs to get there first…

Bruno has been trying to make BBCAN3 the “Battle of the Sexes” for a long time, now. Sarah’s “feministic” views, and his perception that she controls every girl in the house, have crippled him to a degree. Instead of being all in with the best people in the house, regardless of sex, he has endangered relationships with people who could have really had his back long term. In almost any other Big Brother house (not BB16 though), these moves could have and would have put a huge target on Bruno’s back from the girls in the house. But, since there is not ACTUALLY a girls’ alliance, it remains to be seen if his one-track mind hurts him. The girls did not rally together and vow to get out the guys, although they have the numbers to do so. Ultimately, this Boy vs Girl thing is really a Bruno vs Sarah thing. It remains to be seen who survives it.

In conclusion: If this was a normal week, Bruno would be 100% safe and Sarah would likely be going to the jury house – I mean, can she win anything??? – but this is not a normal week. Without the twist, Bruno’s moves had bought him at least Final 6. Unless he wins the Power of Veto, his Big Brother life can seriously be on the line. As pissed as the crowd/fans were when Bruno used the POV on Zach, it may have truly bought him another week because Zach can easily end up on the block and go out the door before him. Right now, it is a battle between Sarah fans and Sarah haters to see who they can get down into that Have Not room to battle it out over the Have Not Power. Good luck Bruno.

GODFREY: What can one say about Godfrey? Is the word “floater” too harsh for him? Sure, he has mostly been working with Bruno, but he will float to wherever power lies and pledge his eternal soul to your cause if you keep him safe. So far, this has not tripped him up in the least and he, at least, makes a boring house more interesting and enjoyable.

Houseguests, who have fallen for Godfrey’s disarmingly goofy persona, have missed out on great intel that could have potentially helped their games. In example, when he went to Kevin to tell him that he had the votes to stay in the house, Kevin did nothing with that information to attempt to save Jordan. When he told Kevin that everyone (outside of the Diapers) in the house wanted Zach and Kevin on the block, he laughed it off. Godfrey can go up to most of the people and tell them 100% of the truth and they will never believe it because it’s Godfrey; the Class Clown of BBCAN3! It remains to be seen if that is a good or bad thing. He can only be Teflon Godfrey for so long… Right?

In conclusion: If there was a Big Brother Anxiety Index, Godfrey would be on one end of it under the label NO ANXIETY, while Sarah would be on the opposite end under UNADULTURED, UNCUT, PURE ANXIETY. The fact that he does not take the game too seriously seems to work in his favor, so far. If I had to guess his choice of Final 2 Mate, it would probably be Pili because it would be much like how Andy demolished GinaMarie’s Final 2 plea to the Houseguests…


In Conclusion:

stare(I am sorry, but I refuse…)

SARAH: I have such a love/hate relationship with Sarah. I love a lot of her views on life. And, theoretically (theoretical because she has not won power to actually do anything), her ideas about the game, and what she WOULD do, are generally sound. Her perception is mostly on point. But, what does that matter when you are out of power and you and your allies do not win many competitions? She had two close allies and one of them routinely threw the comp because she wanted to play the middle. That’s a problem.

Sarah’s GRAVEST error, however, was not cultivating a relationship between Willow and Britnee. By actively working to drive a wedge between her allies, she ensured that they couldn’t trust one another. I get that she wanted to be #1 in both of their BB lives, but the problem with that is that, in a game like Big Brother, especially the Canadian version, you cannot risk your closest allies going for one another. You do not always have days to talk them into keeping the people you need. By keeping Britnee in the dark about Willah’s fake fights and all of the intel she got from Willow, Britnee could only go by what she did know when making her choices during the Triple. Sarah, mistakenly, believing that the guys would vote for Kevin over Willow sealed this monumental clusterfuck.

In conclusion: Though Sarah’s game play has been anxiety-inducing, and sometimes dumbfounding, her fans may be able to buy her another week in the game and a chance to redeem herself. If both she and Britnee survive this week, Sarah’s only true ally will be Britnee. This means that you need to start winning things, Sarah.

ZACH: swag

In Conclusion:


Welp, that sums up how I see the remaining Houseguests. I cannot believe that I thought that this was going to be a great season of Big Brother. I cannot help to imagine that, if the 1st 6 Houseguests had remained and replaced some of the drier personalities, the season would have been what I thought all along. Between the more entertaining Houseguests either throwing comps or not able to win them timely enough, and one side controlling most of the game, the season just left much to be desired. So much that I am actually now forced to watch Big Brother 17 to get my BB fix when I just KNEW Big Brother Canada would be my replacement crack. Thanks BBCAN3 for ruining the fun for all of us!!

Posted in Uncategorized

Little Big Play Cousin Chapter Eight

Be sure to read Chapters One, Two, Three, Four ,Five, Six and Seven before reading this one!

Or, read the whole thing here: Little Big Play Cousin – A Big Brother Inspired Ongoing Saga.

Maisy storms out of the Journal Room with her golden mane flapping in the wind the way that a supermodel’s hair bounces as she stomps down a catwalk. She does not look like a supermodel, though. She looks much more like a rabid hyena thirsting for her next big, bloody kill; and I mean not to get in her way.

I turn to go in the opposite direction but my getaway is thwarted by Linkin; our bodies collide. I am learning that no matter where I go, Linkin will not be too far behind; quite literally. I resist the urge to sock him in the gut and glare, ineffectively, instead.

“Woah, bro! Is that smoke coming out of Maisy’s ears?” He wants to know.

Well, shit, how am I to know that without looking? I turn back around to find Maisy pacing back in forth in the living area. Her thigh-length, pleated, hot pink skirt swishes, side to side, as she turns on her heels to retrace her previous steps. Yup, that’s smoke alright. Most likely, it is emanating off of the self-containing sulfur that burns from the deep, dark pit where her soul should be.

“Yo….” Linkin says and then pauses a second to think; a surefire sign that he was about to say something that he probably should not. He cocks his head to the side, quizzically. “Has your CIHS flared up, bro?” he says loud enough for Maisy to hear. “Those ingrown hairs are a real bitch, bro,” he winces, remembering the last time he called Maisy ‘Bro’ “I mean ‘sis!’”

Sigh. I hate when I am right.

Maisy had stopped dead in her tracks. She whips her head around to look the foolish boy square in the face. Her blue eyes had been set to ‘Furious.’ The boyish imbecile yelps and wraps his right arm around my waist, pulling me close enough to feel his heart pounding against my back. “Can she still see me?” he asks, whispering in my ear.

Is he serious?

“I am not an invisibility shield, you freaking mor-,” I start off, yanking myself out of his grip, but Maisy interrupts me, in typical Maisy fashion; she starts to scream.

I press my lips together and shake my head once. I cannot take this, today. I refuse to take this! I only have one more day in my HHIC room, before our first eviction tomorrow night, and I will not entertain this drama queen’s shenanigans for one more second! I tear myself away from a trembling Linkin who had, once again, grabbed me in another futile attempt to hide.

I turn to ascend the staircase to my sanctuary just as Maisy falls to the floor, short skirt and all, and kicks off a full blown tantrum. I am getting the fuck out of here.

As I flee, houseguests stream in from every corner of the compound to see what on earth had just happened. Personally, I do not give rat’s patootie what had set this off. I know that it could not be nearly as earth shattering as this spectacle suggests. I stick my nose up in the air and continue my trek up the winding staircase, as Maisy’s Minions fawn all over her.

Ohmygawd, Maisy! What’s wrong?” Judy wants to know, her voice stricken with sheer terror and panic. She must not realize that she is no longer in our alliance. I shrug, mentally.

“Maisy!” Kale yells, fright clinging to his every word, “What happened? Please, tell us!” He had ran to Maisy’s side and fallen to the floor behind her head. “Someone help me! Get her feet!” I look down just long enough to see Kale dragging Maisy up by the arms as Bill grabs at her flailing legs. Securing her in their hands, they prop her up on the sofa where she sprawls out, on her back, and wails some more. She covers her face, “It’s not fair!” she shrieks through sobs. “I cannot live like this!”

“What’s not fair, honey? Tell Bill, I will make it all better!” Bill pauses, and then adds, “PLEASE, Maisy! Stop crying… Or, I will start to cry, too!

Huh? I cannot, even!

I reach the top of the staircase and take the few remaining steps to the HHIC door. I enter and shut the door, thus shutting out the commotion below. Yes!

My nice, quiet, perfect Head Houseguest in Charge room; it is all mine; mine, mine, mine! Well, at least for another 24 hours. I can finally make the best of all that the HHIC room has to offer because, as of right here and now, there is no one up my ass asking me for a single, solitary thing!

The nomination and renomination ceremonies? Over.

All of my snacks? Gone.

The HHIC bathroom? Filthy!

I no longer have anything that anyone wants; and it feels awesome!

I go to the middle of the room and sit down on the floor, crisscrossing my legs. I place the back of my hands on my knees, with my middle fingers and thumbs pressed together; you know, like the Buddhas do it!

I close my eyes and let my body relax. I am going find this Zen place if it kills me!

If only I had some candles! That would really set the mood. I mean, they would not have to be the real deal, or anything. Even if they were just some of those nifty flameless candles, it would be perfect. I am going to add that to my Wish List just in case I accidentally win HHIC again.

Now what? I wonder.

“Namu Myoho Renge Kyo,” I say softly, copying from Tina Turner in that ‘What’s Love Got to Do with It’ movie. I have no clue what it means, but it seems to have done the trick for her and I need all of the help that I can get if I am going to survive another day in this madhouse.

“Namu Myoho Renge Kyo,” I say again, and again and again, more loudly as I go.

“Namu Myoho Renge Kyo.”

“Namu Myoho Renge Kyo.”

“Namu Myoho Renge Kyo.”

I think it is working! I am getting a vision! Is that supposed to happen?

In this vision, I can see what can only be described as Paradise on Earth! All around me, there are beautiful things being enjoyed by beautiful people who are eating beautiful food and drinking beautiful drinks! There are white sandy beaches sprawled out for as far as the eye can see. The ocean is the bluest blue I have ever seen and the skies, where the ocean meets the horizon, are a luscious gold mingled with dazzling purples and seductive fuchsias!

To top it off, right smack-dab in the middle of the beach is the most glorious bonfire I ever did lay my eyes on! It lights up the sky like a gazillion fully charged fireflies on a mission to make this the most stunning hallucination vision I have ever experienced! And, look! There is something in the middle of the bonfire. It’s a large, maple tree! Huh? That makes no sense. My eyes travel the length of the tree until they reach its leafy top. There is someone in the tree; he is cradling something in his arms! Who is it?

I focus…. It’s Tim! Wha? But, why?

Tim lifts up his arms, presenting the object to me Simba-Style. He says, “It’s a puppy this time! Can you help me get down from here? There is a lot more fire than before, and I need to find a home for this little guy.” He smiles and hugs the puppy to his chest.

“Huh?” This can’t be right. I look around and paradise slowly starts to fade away. No, come back!

The sky is now a cold, ugly gray. The beautiful things, people, food and drinks have been replaced by clumps of wet sand and broken seashells… and the ocean is now running red with the blood of a gazillion fireflies. But the burning tree, puppy, and Tim? All still here.

I whimper.

“How are you asleep?” he asks.

I feel a wash towel slap against my face and my eyes pop open. The bright lights of the HHIC room invade my corneas. Nooo!

After my eyes adjust enough, I see that I am no longer alone in my sanctuary; the walls have been breached and Casey, Maura and Meagan are all standing in front of me, staring down at me like I am some kind of alien, or something.

Wait, was I just assaulted? I look down at everyone’s hands and realize that Casey is the culprit; she is still holding the wet-pon. “How were you asleep, sitting there like that?” she wants to know.

My eyes turn to slits. “I was visioning before you guys interrupted me!” I say in hopes of coming off as extremely pissed off.

The trio laughed.

My eyes get slittier!

“You were what?” Maura wants to know. She is smirking.

I am containing a silent growl within the walls of my belly. “OK, ‘visioning’ may not be what it is called, bitch, but… fuck you AND fuck that smirk!” Oh, the things that I wish I had the lady ‘nads to say! I force a smile, “How can I help you ladies?” I ask instead.

“Oh my god, you will never believe what Maisy is going on and on about down there. We had to escape.” Meagan says.

So go escape to your own fucking sanctuaries!

I say nothing and a few beats pass.

“Don’t you want to know what it was about?”

I don’t. “…Sure.”

“Sham-fucking-poo!” Maura says with a snorting laugh.

Right. “Shampoo?” I muster up enough energy to inquire.

Casey answers, this time. “Apparently she uses, like, this super expensive bottle of shampoo that she has to import from some village in Spain, or something. She says that ALL of her hair will fall out if she has to use the cheap shit they gave us; on account of some medical condition she claims to have. As if we do not all know that is a fricking weave! She was in J.R. arguing with those poor people for over an hour – ABOUT SHAMPOO!”

I blink. “Unbelievable,” I say flatly.

“Yea,” Casey laughs. “You SO should have put her up on the block as a replacement this week!” The other two laugh with her. “Backdoor her ass!”

I grit my teeth so hard that I nearly bite the tip of my tongue off. I relax my jaw just enough to speak. “What would Madeleine Albright have said to that?” I ask trying to be as nonchalant as possible given that the devil on my right shoulder was starting to win out over the angel on the left one; and the devil wants blood!

“Who?” Casey asks.

I smack myself in the head, but only mentally this time. I am learning! “The uh, ‘cold place in hell,’ comment?” I remind her.

“Ooooooh, you mean Taylor Swift!” Casey laughs, again.

I just stare at her.

“Who is Madeleine Albright? Is she new?”Maura wants to know. “I totes like her name! It sounds so old Hollywood, glam! Does she do, like, retro-like music?”

I slowly divert my eyes from Casey to Maura, so that I could stare silently at her, now.

As I study her clueless face, I suddenly have an epiphany! Closing my eyes, I start chanting softly, “Namu Myoho Renge Kyo!”

I have this all figured out, you see. Clearly, I am still visioning. If I simply redo the chants, I can break out of my current vision! It all makes perfect sense, now! “Namu Myoho Renge Kyo,” I say a few more times. When I finally open my eyes again, the trio had disappeared from my line of sight. It worked!

“Are you done?” I hear from behind me. It is Maura! I turn around to find the trio lounging on my bed. Casey was wearing the headphones; my headphones!

My shoulders slump, in defeat.

“Yea,” Meagan speaks up, “because we want to talk to you about a final four deal before it is too late.”

Posted in Creative Writing

Little Big Play Cousin Chapter Seven

In honor of Big Brother Canada Season 3 Premiere on Monday, March 23, I have decided to add a new chapter to my ongoing, Big Brother Inspired Little Big Play Cousin Saga! If you have already read the first six chapters, scroll on down and get started on Chapter 7. Thanks for reading!

Be sure to read Chapters One, Two, Three, Four ,Five, and Six before reading this one!

Or, read the whole thing here: Little Big Play Cousin – A Big Brother Inspired Ongoing Saga.


“Welcome to the first Veto of Doom Ceremony,” I say sternly. I stand, in front of all of my fellow competitors, with a grim look on my face. I had managed to pull my tightly coiled hair back into as neat of a ponytail as I could muster; the Veto of Doom Crown rests on top. I am also sporting black-rimmed glasses that I am almost sure makes me look somewhat more intelligent than I actually am. With my brain-damaged brain, and hits after hits to the noggin, every little bit helps. I need everyone to know that today, I mean business!

“Bill, Casey, as the holder of the Veto of Doom Crown, I may bestow upon one of you immunity from the Little Big Play Cousin Gallows this week. Can each of you tell me why I should grant you the Veto of Doom Crown starting with you, Bill?”

So far things are going much better than the nomination ceremony. Maybe, I am getting the hang of this!

Bill stands up and clears his throat. “You already know what to do, so do it” he says and sits back down.

Maisy laughs.

I glare, stopping myself mid-eye roll I look at Casey. “And, you, Casey?”

Casey stands up, fire in her eyes. Uh oh. “Listen,” she starts, “I really do not know why you put me on the block in the first place. Everyone knows how hard it is for girls to get ahead in this game and you, a supposed woman, decided to put me up on the block the first week against a guy that everyone in the house loves! I mean, this is 2015! Why are we women still one another’s biggest enemies?”

Casey was pointing her finger at me through the fiery glares but, suddenly, she winks. Is she just putting on a show, or what? I am so confused, now! And, my heart will not stop thudding about in my chest. If I had pearls, I would be clutching them. She is ruining everything!

“There is a cold place in hell for women who do not support other women!” Casey finishes with a flare. She turns on her heels and sits down.

Huh? Wouldn’t a cold place in hell be a good thing?

Wait… What?

Last night, I had been so sure of what I would do today, but thanks to Casey, I now look like a traitor to vaginas the world over! How can I properly blow up my alliance with Maisy & Co., and get her up on the block, without looking like a Vaginal Defector… or whatever?

Momentarily forgetting myself, I slam myself in the forehead with the palm of my hand, knocking my crown askew. I grunt. Of course, laughter, from my fellow houseguests, follows.

“Oh my gawd, she is so fucking weird!” Of course, that’s Maisy.

I growl under my breath.

“Bro, you have to eat more,” Linkin whispers, not so covertly.

Fuck this shit!!!

I take the crown off of my head.

Maisy leans forward, her eyes lighting up.

“Casey, Bill, I thank you both for your impassioned pleas to remain the game.” I begin. “Casey you have made a great argument, thus I have decided that I will be bestowing the Veto of Doom Crown to you.”

I feel a flash of heat from Maisy’s direction. Oh, here go, hell come. I ignore the fear clawing at my soul and continue. “Casey, please stand up and kneel before me on the Sacred Red Velvet Kneeling Platform of Redemption so that I may pass this powerful crown on to you.”

Casey does as she is told, beaming the whole way. My hands shake as I place the crown onto her head. “Please, now take a seat with the others,” I say, sweeping my arm stiffly to the left. “But take your time,” I say under my breath, as Casey gleefully bounces to an empty seat.

I gulp. Here comes the hard part. I get a little dizzy. “I will not fall, I will not fall, I will NOT fall!” I chant inwardly. I clear my throat.

“Now that I have bestowed the Veto of Doom Crown to Casey, as the Head Houseguest in Charge, I must now name a replacement.” I look over at Linkin. He looks back and gives me two enthusiastic thumbs up. “I am sorry Linkin,” Casey gasps, but I ignore her. I am getting good at this ignoring thing! I continue, “but I must name you as the replacement nominee. This is not personal, but what I feel is best for my game.” I nod, seriously.

Linkin does not budge. He remains seated, with a smile on his face.

I wait a few more seconds and say, “Linkin, please take your seat on the chopping block.”

Linkin laughs and says, “Bro!” Sitting back, he crosses his leg.

What the fuck? You cannot just ignore my orders. I am HHIC!!!

I look around for help. Everyone is just fucking watching… Like this is some kind of spectacle to be enjoyed with popcorn and a fucking soda, or something. This is not a movie, damnit!!! How does one dare to defy me??? OFF WITH HIS HEAD!

I whimper and sigh. What am I even doing, here??? I scan the room. My eyes land on a guy named Tim.

Tim is a nice guy from a small town down south, just like me. He is a quiet little red-headed guy who sticks to himself, more often than not. A kind, gentle soul, Tim spends his spare time finding shelter for abused and abandoned animals and once even saved a little girl from drowning! He also makes sure to donate, like, buckets and buckets of his own blood to the Red Cross every month. To top off his list of saintliness, he offered me the last slice of bread for breakfast this morning. The most important thing to know about Tim, however, is that he is not in any of my alliances.

“Tim,” I say, slowly. He gasps and his face turns red, matching his hair. I wince. “I am SO sorry. I think… I think I must have gotten you confused with Linkin,” I say lamely.

Maisy snorts, but I have her on ignore, so…

“These glasses are new,” I say to Tim, even more lamely. “I-I am sorry, but I must name you as the replacement nominee. This is not personal, but what I feel is best for my game,” I finish off, the lamest of all.

Tim sits there confused. He does not budge.

Oh-fucking-great! I hope he is not thinking that he will just do what Linkin did and get out of this! “GET UP, TIM!” I snap at him, more out of panic than anger.

The poor boy jumps up, startled. He zips over to the vacant seat on the block and sits down with a defeated thud.

Phew! I take a moment to compose myself. The relief I feel is nearing orgasmic. I smile.

“And this concludes the Veto of Doom Ceremony,” I bow and exit stage left.

“Bro, do you remember when Sherra pretended like she was going to put me on the block? That was wild, bro!” Linkin was asking Casey. Casey chuckles. She knows that I was not pretending, but there did not seem to be much point in letting Linkin in on that tidbit of information.

I sit on the floor, in my HHIC room, massaging my temples. It had only been like 28,000 seconds since I had “pretended” that I was going to put Linkin up on the chopping block, but I am coming to realize that Linkin has his own way of telling time. 28,000 seconds might as well be 28,000 weeks. Ugh.

A soft knock sounds against my door. I fall over on the floor and fight back the tears. “No, no, no, no, no,no!” I say under my breath. I am breaking.

“Come in, Bro!” You know who, yells.

The door opens slowly, and closes softly.

I do not want to know who it is. I do not want to know what they want. I just want to sink into the ground, never to have existed.

“Hi,” a soft male voice says.

I whimper. It is Tim.

“I do not mean to bother you, I just have a question.”

I ignore him. I am good at ignoring people, now, right?

“Hi, Sherra?” He says, after a few moments. “Can we talk?”

I cry silently and sit up. “Can’t you see I was playing dead?” I wanted to ask. But instead I said, “Sure!”

“Should we leave?” Casey wants to know.

“No way, Bro. We are all in this together!” Linkin, again.

Looking at Linkin, I shake my head, plastering a look on my face that I hope properly conveys the question, ‘What the fuck, bro???’

“Um, okay,” Tim says nervously. He takes a deep breath and straightens his shoulders. “I just wanted to know if I had done something wrong. You said that me leaving was best for your game, and I mean… How is that? I gave you the last slice of bread and everything.”

“I do not want you to leave, you are just… the pawn,” I say flatly; lamely. I mean, what does he expect me to say? I really do want Bill to leave, it will cut into Wicked Maisy’s numbers, but the odds of that are pretty slim at this point. I sigh.

Tim points at Linkin, “but you had nominated him, first, why did you change it? I mean, I do not think we look very much alike, even with your glasses off.” Tim stands meekly at the door, his shoulders are slumped, now, and his feet are pressed closely together. He is even trembling slightly; probably not unlike a rescued puppy when it first arrives at his animal shelter. Oh geez, I am SO going to hell for this! Before I can say anything, Tim asks, “May I please sit down, Miss Sherra? My right leg has never been the same since I had to jump out of that burning tree that I rescued that pregnant cat from.” Yup, hell-bound, ‘tis I!

I nod, meekly.

Tim takes a seat on the couch.

“Listen, bro.” Linkin says. “It is nothing personal. I was NEVER going up on that block!” He stops and looks over at me, then at Casey; he gives us each a nod as if we had just silently agreed to something. This cannot be good. Before I can stop him, he says, “You should totally join our alliance bro, we will keep you safe, here in the fold of the alliance of the Soldiers of Fortitude.”


Tim brightens up, “Really? You guys can keep me safe, even though I am on the block, now?”

“Sure, we can! And, we can use a guy like you in our army, Tim. Welcome!” Casey says.

I sit, frozen. What is life?

This is not real. It is not real. This, what is happening right now, is not really happening.

What is really happening is that I am in a coma in the hospital back in Lula, Ga. My family and friends have gathered around to say their last goodbyes, and I am just waiting for my great granny from Texas to make her way to the hospital to say goodbye to her favorite great granddaughter; and then I will ascend to the heavens where there are lots of clouds, baby alpacas and guys who look like Daniel Sunjata awaiting me to answer to my every beck and call as I eat sushi every night and have mind blowing sex every morning. That is what is real. That is what is true. That is what is happening. That is life.

I smile and nod; at peace with the universe; Zen is real. “Yes, welcome to our alliance, Tim. I am sure you will make a great soldier.”

Posted in Creative Writing

A Short (Scary) Story!

doll So, a  few years ago I wrote a short horror story prompted by the photo to the left. It was back when I was really trying to work on this whole “writing thing” and better myself. I was going through some old files on my computer, trying to organize my mess and find some inspiration to continue a new story I am working on, when I ran across this story. I was amused by it at the time, but I am too scared to reread it because, if I do, I am going to want to fix everything that is wrong with it and end up just losing more time. SO… I hope that the story is still as amusing as it was when I originally wrote it and that you enjoy it!

“That dolly speaks to me.”

Sara looked down at her little sister and rolled her eyes. She was a weird child. Sara was convinced that the two of them could not possibly be of any blood relation.

‘It’s just a silly, broken doll, Bethany,” Sara responded irritably. She hated being stuck with her baby sister. This was especially so on a Friday night; especially considering that this was the weekend she had planned to spend with Sam.
“It’s always an emergency at work,” she muttered under her breath, speaking of her mother as she dished out heaps of macaroni and cheese. She had left the macaroni to boil too long, and now it was just a big lumpy gunk of pasta and cheese.

“It is,” Bethany replied coolly. She was always patient with her older sister; after all, it wasn’t her fault that she was an idiot. Sara slammed the plate down on the table and picked the doll up by its head. The hair was dry, coarse and matted. Half of it had shed long ago.

“Why is this even in here?”

That doll gave Sara the creeps, even more so than her creepy little sister. She often wondered if she was that strange at seven. Now a senior in high school, she didn’t care enough to try to remember. Looking down at the doll, she shivered and dropped it back on the chair that her sister had propped it up in.  Since Bethany had come home with that thing, Sara had been trying to rid the house of it. Somehow, it always managed to find its way back in.

“I like it,” Bethany responded, pushing a glob of macaroni and cheese around on her plate. Her exchanges with her sister were always short and to the point. No need to complicate things with dialog.

“Why? I mean look at it! Her face is distorted, and peeling. You couldn’t pass a steel comb through her hair and—and, she’s simply ugly! Mother buys you new dolls almost every week and you hardly touch them.”  Despite her attempts to cloak her disdain for her sister, there were times that Sara simply could not muster up the energy to do so.

“They don’t speak to me.” Bethany gave a little smile, her eyes shining brightly as they bored into Sara’s.

“Right. When you are done eating, load the dishwasher.”

Sara didn’t have patience for Bethany’s nonsense tonight. She wished that their mother would just put her away in an institution already. Even shipping her off to a boarding school would be a dream come true.

Bethany treasured her time alone, so her sister’s attitude suited her just fine. The more time she spent away from prying eyes, the better. Besides, it wasn’t like any surviving members of her family would ever understand her. It was not what the others wanted.

Bethany watched her jean clad sister leave the breakfast nook and head into the sunken living room; grabbing the cordless phone from the end table, she plopped down upon their overstuffed sofa.

Sara remained ever so predictable, and Bethany knew that she would be out of her hair for the rest of the night.
“Dear Sabella,” an ethereal voice sliced through Bethany’s consciousness. It’s a voice that resonated throughout Bethany’s entire being. The first time she heard its enthralling pull, it had awakened within her something that had lied dormant since birth. Now, as it called to her once more, she knew it was time.

Grabbing the doll, she jumped up from the dinner table and dashed upstairs to her bedroom. Locking the door, she felt her heartbeat quicken along with the vibration of the doll clutched to her chest.

“You’re smothering her!” the voice chastised.

Bethany nodded her head and held the doll out at arm’s length.

“Do you approve of your Spirit Name, Sabella?”

Bethany nodded again, causing blond tendrils to dance on her forehead. She remained quiet; she knew that her voice would fail her in that moment if she chose to speak.

“Of course, you do,” the smoky voice cooed. “Now, set her up!”

Bethany moved quickly to carry out her orders. She was unsteady on her feet, and knobby knees quaked beneath her tiny torso. Falling to the floor, she flung a threadbare, dusty rug aside to reveal a small, glowing oval circle embedded within the hardwood floor. For a fleeting moment, Bethany thought of the small, perfectly oval birthmark branded on her shoulder and touched it. Swallowing hard, and with trembling hands, she positioned the doll within the center of the floorboard.

Bethany’s breath caught in her throat as she slid away on her backside. She could feel the excitement fusing within her soul. Ignoring the moistness that had developed in her eyes, she watched as the dolls own eyes sprung open. Its brilliant azure orbs shone brightly.

“Look into her, Sabella. Gaze deep within and search her soul.”

Bethany couldn’t look away from those mesmerizing orbs, even if she tried. She wanted to be consumed by it. To feel connected to it in ways she had yet to experience.

An ancient realm, lost to time, began to unfold before her tear blurred eyes. What could only be described as enlightenment engulfed the little girl, and she felt full on the ways of the world that few would ever get to experience.

A glistening, translucent projection of an obelisk streamed through the cracks of the floor casting a reddish hue across the yellow walls of Bethany’s bedroom. Coolness and a soft breeze encased her, lifting her golden ringlets from the back of her neck. Gasping, she allowed its power to besiege her.

“Do you understand your tasks, Sabella?” the voice inquired, already knowing the answer.

“I do, Madam,” Bethany said, recapturing her voice. She felt empowered now, but didn’t dare to look away from the doll. Two dead, hollow eyes peered back through her.

It did not seem, to Bethany, that so many hours had passed, but hearing the birds singing outside of her window suddenly linked her with reality.  Standing up, she stretched long-limbed legs and crossed the room to the window.

Pushing double French windows open, a blast of frigid morning air poured over Bethany. Gazing downward, the girl noticed that an inch or two of freshly fallen snow blanketed the grounds surrounding their two story brick home. Looking upward, she could see that the sun had peaked above the horizon and the world was awash in deep pastels of gold and purple.

“What a beautiful start to the day, Sabella,” Bethany whispered to herself with glee.

Bethany held her gaze with the sun. She knew that there were other children out there, defiantly peering into the suns harsh glare. Just like her, they were preparing to speak into the earth, straight through to its fiery brimstone, and shimmering magma; straight through to the depths of hell.

“It’s the day that we’ve all been waiting for,” Bethany began in a childish singsong, giddily swaying from side to side.  “Today the earth will be no more. Children of endearment and light, will succumb to our death plight.”

As Bethany continued to sing under her breath, she began to ponder what had led her to the day. It had all began just over a year ago while she was visiting her Grandmother.

Bethany had always loved her grandmother’s centuries old antebellum mansion. Its exquisite mahogany molding and spiraling staircase with grand, ornate double banisters were particularly captivating. The multi-tiered chandelier that hung in the foyer never seemed to attract even a speck of dust. It was a marvelous home, and she had meant to own it one day; however, the end was near and she would never see that dream recognized. The sacrifice would be worth it.

It was during that visit that she had found the doll, locked away in an old wooden chest, tucked in a nearly dilapidated shed out back.

Bethany hadn’t been afraid of the spiders that had long ago, weaved their webs, the large water bugs that climbed frantically over her feet, nor the snake that slithered across her path. Something housed within that old chicken coup called out to her with an urgency that enamored her.

Seeing that old doll at the dinner table that night left her grandmother speechless.

“Where,” she croaked out, clutching at her saggy, soft neck, “did you get that, Bethany Marie?” The old woman managed to finally push out through tight lips. Her face had lost its color and a serving spoon full of garlic mashed potatoes hovered forgotten over its serving dish.

Bethany looked up with a blank expression plastered across her face, and asked, “Get what, Grandma?”

Throwing the spoon down in a huff, Bethany’s grandmother stalked around the dining room table and snatched the doll up by its hair, preparing to slam it against the ground.

Bethany’s icy glare halted her grandmother in her tracks, with her heart stopping a beat.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” the girl said calmly, a little smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

“No, no–Has it–? Oh, no!”

Weakened at the knees, the woman fell to the floor and looked up at her grandchild. “It has already gotten to you,” she whispered. “Oh, God, please, have mercy!” she exclaimed as she clutched the doll to her bosom.

Bethany calmly turned away from her sniveling grandmother and eyed the dishes before her.

She always cooks too much”, the girl thought to herself as she vowed to never become as hefty as Grandmother, but then realizing she would never have that opportunity. But, that didn’t mean that she would gorge herself, now. Spearing a piece of fried chicken with her fork, Bethany meticulously removed the skin. Ignoring the mashed potatoes, biscuits and gravy, she gave herself a big helping of green bean casserole.

“Pray with me, Grandma,” Bethany requested of the unmoving heap on the floor. Bethany bowed her head and clasped her tiny hands together.

“Dear Lord, bless this food.. and my Grandma too.”

Everyone believed that Bethany’s grandmother had perished on Halloween, but in reality, she had died days before. It was then that the voice first visited Bethany. The spirit called itself Lady Suryia.
“This house was our portal, Sabella. Your grandmother sealed it off to us, nearly two hundred years ago,” Lady Suryia said to Bethany.

“But how is it possible that Grandma sealed it off that long ago? She’s only 80 years old,” Bethany wanted to know.  The girl stared up at the giant granite statue of Lady Suryia. It was a statue that portrayed Suryia as she had been in her mortal life.

“The soul never truly dies, dear Sabella,” Lady Suryia said with a hint of amusement clouding her voice. The spirit sounded much angrier when as she added, “Your grandmother lived a nearly immortal existence, but that wasn’t enough for her. Once she discovered her soul, it was more important to her to be self-righteous. She altered the course of our history and she had no right to do so!”

“I will get her out of the way, Madam. I will punish her; and then I will reopen the portal for us all,” Bethany said with determination; and the girl did precisely that.

Fading back into the present, Bethany smiled and looked away from the sun. The world around her looked much clearer now, through red tinted eyes.

“Whose grandmother dies on Halloween, anyway? It’s creepy. Tonight, at the party, I’ll be wondering if her shadow is lurking in every– shadowy corner!” Bethany could hear her sister through the thin wall that separated their rooms. She was a distraction, but since the morning’s commune had already ended, Bethany brushed her annoyance aside.

“There will be no party for you today, dear sister.”

Walking to the dresser mirror, Bethany stared at her reflection as it gazed back through her. Though slightly frizzed, every blond ringlet remained in place. Her smooth porcelain skin was punctuated by her mother’s high cheek bones and her dead fathers piecing, deep green eyes.

Swallowing, she began to chant under her breath as she exited her room. “Darkest day, darkest hour, replace the lightness, give us power.”

Her intonation strengthened with the change of the wind that howled outside of the windows. Her face was streaked with intensity, though her lips wore a hint of a smile. Dark shadows danced on the walls as the sun began to fade away; setting before it had even had a chance to fully rise.

“First, your sister,” Lady Suryia commanded.

Bethany nodded and walked towards Sara’s bedroom door. Placing her hand on the cool door knob, she paused a moment. Not tentative about the task at hand, but the way to best execute it. Flinging open the door, she nearly bumped into her sister.
Bethany grinned, reaching up to grab her sisters arm. Glaring, Sara snatched it away.

“What are you doing now, you freak?” Sara demanded to know as she continued to scowl.

Bethany remained calm and said, “I will grant you this one opportunity to flee,” knowing that her sister would brush her off.

Sara glowered, stalking around her sister’s small form in annoyance; daring to place a hand on her shoulder, she shoved the little girl against the wall. She was headed for the bathroom door, but a new voice now stopped her in her tracks. It was a voice that was cold, ugly, and just vaguely human.

“What time is it, Sara?” the voice asked.

Gold streaked brunette locks swung wildly as Sara spun around to face the direction of the voice, towards her sister; but, they were still the only two people in the hallway.

Bethany walked slowly towards Sara, “I tried to warn you,” she said in otherworldly voice, glaring into her sister’s quizzical, terrified eyes.

Her legs refused to carry Sarah away; the terry cloth robe she wore was wrapped snuggly around her body, but it was her only protection.  Could she really run barefoot through the snow, three miles to the nearest home?

“Bethany, wha-what is going on?” Fear induced tears streamed down Sara’s cheeks, and horror had begun to claw its way into her soul.

“I go by Sabella, now,” Bethany replied as she raised a hand skyward. “Souls that have passed through centuries past,” she paused with a dramatic intake of breath. “The Lady awaits you, this breath is your last.”

The incantation slid off of Bethany’s tongue like acid spiked honey. She watched her sister crumble to a broken heap on the floor. Frost laced air swept through the hall as a thin, cloudy vapor flitted from Sara’s lips.

And so, it had begun. People the world over were faced with darkness and an impenetrable gloom. Horror blooming silhouettes lurked down every alley, and around every corner, slithering to and fro, taking hold of unsuspecting passersby.

An unspeakable evil made its home in closets, attics, and basements, and even beneath beds alongside dust bunnies, and long forgotten, dirty socks.

Apparitions danced merrily and openly onto the streets, all free to wander and play, ready to unleash an ominous hell onto its prey.

A jolting scream alerted Bethany to her mother’s presence. The girl smirked as she watched her mom ran to Sara’s side, fall to the floor and touched her cold, purple corpse.

“What happened?” Mom wanted to know.

Bethany locked eyes with the woman who had given birth to her only seven short years ago and felt a rush. Realization struck behind her mother’s eyes, and satisfaction struck Bethany’s.

Slicing her hand through the glacial air, Bethany said coyly, “Please, do not worry, dear Mother. You are next.”




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Hey, it’s Cyber WEEK, so…

Cyber WEEK is thing, now…. Really? Anyway new code to save is: ZAZCYBERWEEK CHECK IT OUT, OUT IT CHECK!

Krazilia's Place

12Hey guys! Today is Cyber Monday and I have been trying to up my “promotions” game and promote my wares on days where sites are giving great discounts. Today, Zazzle is doing a discount of up to 65% and I wanted to showcase some of the pieces I have recently added. You can get a sneak peek by scrolling down this page. To visit my store, click here.You may want to sort by “NEWEST” to find the new stuff easier – yea, I know, DUH. To take advantage of the discount I spoke of, you will want to use code: ZAZCYBER2014

I hope that you all find some stuff that you like. If you see an image on one thing, that you would like to have placed on another, let me know and I will make the item for you. You can tweet me at @KraziliaLove!

krazidecorThese will…

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